Do's and Don'ts of Texting

Do's and Don'ts of Texting
by Carly Milne


Combine the convenience of a cell-phone call with the privacy of an email, and there you have the latest, greatest way to keep in touch with someone you like: texting. These days, nearly everyone’s exchanging mini-missives with his or her amour. That said, there’s a right way and a wrong way to get your message through — and while texting has cultivated many a relationship, an equal number have foundered because the texters didn’t adhere to a few simple rules. Follow these helpful tips, however, and they’ll turn you into a texting expert in no time, not to mention aid in cultivating some warm-and-fuzzy feelings between you and your intended.

Do text on noteworthy occasions
Texts are a great way to let the object of your affections know that he or she is on your mind — especially when a response isn’t really required. “One text-worthy occasion is the morning after a great date,” says Regina Lynn, author of The Sexual Revolution 2.0. “A text saying, ‘I had a great time last night’ or ‘Thinking of you’ is less intrusive than a phone call but very sweet.” Other prime texting times would be if your date has mentioned an important upcoming meeting or event. Sending a quick “Good luck at your meeting; you’ll do great!” beforehand or a “Hope your interview went well — looking forward to hearing about it” afterward are the equivalent of little love darts into your honey’s heart. Keep ’em coming!

Don’t text when a phone call would be better
Though it can get addictive, having endless and lengthy text conversations in place of voice-to-voice action is a bad idea. Why? It’s all about making that human connection. “Texting is OK for simple exchanges of information — meet me here, see you there — but I want to hear my girl say hi,” notes Adam Dreyfus, 37, of New Canaan, CT. “I was dating a woman who texted me all the time, but it wasn’t the same as being at work, stressed out and behind schedule, then hearing the phone ring and hearing her voice. Just a simple ‘hi’ can make everything right in the universe.” So if it’s been a number of days since you’ve spoken to each other, consider picking up the phone to remind your sweetie what you sound like. Also keep in mind that texting can often be more cumbersome and time-consuming than a phone call, so before you compose your text, ask yourself: Would a phone allow us to hash out our plans more quickly? If so, save yourself (and your date) the trouble and use the phone.

Do flirt with caution
Nothing can break up a mundane work day better than a few texted sweet nothings… but if you’re thinking of steaming things up, proceed with caution. It’s all too easy to risk offending the recipient with a message that’s a little too titillating, too soon. “You shouldn’t start with dirty words. Some people do not want to see certain words on their phones,” warns Lynn. “I would begin with some general flirting — I want to kiss you, or something similar — and see what the other person says back.” If the recipient responds in kind and even escalates (example: asking questions like, “What else did you like about last night?” are an obvious welcome sign), feel free to up the ante slightly, with racier confessions. In short, before you dig into full-on dirty talk, you should pave the way with numerous texts that make it clear this is the direction you’re going and that the recipient is fine hearing them.

Don’t text at odd hours
Just as you wouldn’t call at all hours of the night, you should not text anyone then, either. “Always be sensitive to what the person is likely to be doing,” says Lynn. “For example, don’t text before 10 a.m. unless you know for sure he or she gets up early and enjoys mornings. Don’t text after 10 p.m. either.” Not only could you wake the person up (cell phones still make sound when they receive a text), even if your date’s cell is turned off, he or she can still see you texted at 3 a.m. — and that makes you look inconsiderate, needy, or just plain weird.

Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say in person
Hiding behind your phone is a surefire way to start a new relationship out on the wrong foot — especially if what you’re trying to avoid saying in person is important. “I once dated this guy who chose to text me about having an infection,” recalls Sharlene Smithers, 32. “I wasn’t as bothered by the revelation so much as I was bothered that he texted me about it. It felt like a cowardly way out, and it left me wondering what else he was incapable of communicating to me.” It’s best to save texting for fun and flirty notes or where-to-meet-what-time plans. Save heavy conversations and those first “I love you’s” for face-to-face chats.

Carly Milne has written for Maxim, Stuff, and other publications.
 
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

(from http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=7442&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=727452)

Relationship Advice: the Secrets of Close Couples

Relationship Advice: the Secrets of Close Couples

When the early-love buzz wears off and a couple becomes comfortable, the polite gestures and words that were de rigueur in the beginning fall by the wayside. But it turns out that kindness is the glue that keeps couples together. Follow these four easy rules and you'll both wind up feeling more loved, valued, and appreciated.

Say Good Morning
When the alarm starts blaring, rather than blindly slapping the snooze button or stumbling to the bathroom in a fog, try turning to your guy and saying "Good morning!" Research indicates that 94 percent of couples who do this every day rate their relationships as excellent. In contrast, couples who rarely hear the phrase describe their relationships as below average.

What makes these two words so magical? When you wish your man a good morning, what you're really saying is that it's a good morning because you are together. And affirming your feelings in the a.m. lays the groundwork for positive communication all day.

Acknowledge Expected Acts of Kindness
There are things your guy does for you (rubbing your feet, bringing you a cup of coffee in bed), and there are things he does for the relationship (taking out the garbage, walking the dog). We're pretty good about thanking the men in our lives for the stuff they do explicitly for us, but we tend to drop the ball when it comes to the gestures that benefit them too.

Because these random acts of thoughtfulness improve your life and the relationship as a whole, it's important to acknowledge them. Try adding these two powerful words to the end of your sentence: "Thank you for picking up the milk for us." If you reaped any benefits from his action, you have something to be thankful for.

Praise Each Other in Public
Guys will rarely ask, "How does my stomach look in this shirt?" so it may not even occur to you that men crave compliments as much as women do. And while certain types of praise should be bestowed only in private (such as the toe-curling sex you had last night), public accolades are especially meaningful because they send the message that you're proud to be with your guy and you want the world to know it.

No need to gush—it will embarrass him. Just stick to sincere compliments that are specific to him and appeal to his masculinity. Saying something like "It's amazing that you were able to fix my laptop and drive your mother to the airport before work this morning" will make him feel appreciated and loved.

Don't Cut Him Off
Conventional wisdom was upset when research published in the journal Science found that guys are, by nature, just as chatty as women are. If the man in your life isn't much of a talker, it may be because he can't get a word in edgewise.

A major reason men clam up is because they're with a partner who constantly interrupts them. It often happens when you think you already know what he's going to say or you jump to answer his first point before he's had the chance to finish his sentence. Other times, you may do it because you think he's dead wrong. But know this: If one partner is silent, it's usually because they're withdrawing emotionally, which means the relationship is on the decline. In a healthy relationship, both partners need to feel heard.



By Laurie Puhn
for Women's Health Magazine
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